It's Not Just Right

I have a hard time getting used to new stuff, phones, remote controls, jobs, people, shoes. I like the concept of new things but the reality is I just have to work harder to adjust and it causes me anxiety. Not the kind of anxiety that makes me want to take a xanax, just not a toasty feeling. I like it when things are smooth and easy, I guess you could say I like it when things are comfortable and old. Like the way comfort food makes me feel. It doesn't make my tummy upset, it tastes good and it creates a sensation that everything is just right. Kinda like the way Goldilocks felt about baby bears porridge.

You never know what can happen when something is new. Things don't work the way you expect them to. Everything takes longer to do. Stuff isn't where you think it's supposed to be.

This all comes about because I need a new phone. My contract has been up now for over a year and a free phone has just been sitting, waiting for me. I've put it off as long as I can, now my battery is dying and I need to bite the bullet. I dislike this process so much I've started thinking I don't need a phone at all.

If there's an emergency everyone else has a phone and I can use theirs right? If it's a REAL emergency I probably wouldn't be able to use a phone anyway. Who do I really talk to on my cell phone that I can't talk to on a real phone? How will my life change if I don't text?

All this over a new phone.

Games People Play

When I was a kid I could play Monopoly for hours. During summer vacation I spent most days alone watching Dick Cavett and playing Solitaire. Scrabble was my game of choice in my twenties, usually a one on one game. I remember my female relatives always laying on the floor playing Scrabble, we had some major crossword puzzle fanatics in the family and they loved showing off to each other. Trivial Pursuit was popular in my thirties. Then it was back to solo games like: Intellivision Night Stalker...Nintendo Mario Brothers...GameBoy Tetris...Pogo Poppit...and the dreaded Farmville on Facebook. It's the games I play alone that concern me. The solitary and addictive qualities seem unhealthy as I while away the hours with nothingness. Shouldn't I be whiling away the hours reading or creating?

Sometimes playing a game with real people can get scary.

When you play games with other people you sometimes meet an entirely new person you didn't know you knew. A competitive side comes out that you don't usually see, sometimes people even seem to get a little mean. Don't get me wrong, I like to win, but it doesn't bother me if I lose. After all it's just a game and you can always play again. I'm not a strategic player, I don't do things that will lessen my opponents chances of getting ahead. I guess my favorite games of all time are those that take at least a small bit of smarts...Pictionary, Scrabble, Trivial Pursuit to name a few. Games can be lots of laughs as long as you don't play with a meany who's only goal is to win.

After all it's not whether you win or lose...

Non Verbal Communication

I think Bela Lugosi had the right idea when he said "Look into my eyes". I like the concept of having someone bite my neck and then I would fall under their spell. That way I don't have to take responsibility for any of my actions. I could say "I never said that" and really mean it. As it is I find myself saying "That's not what I meant". Communication is just so darn complicated.Why do we have to talk anyway?

Sometimes it just messes everything up. Of course I find it extremely difficult to keep my mouth shut. It would be nice if I could erase all the times I've put my foot in it by saying the wrong thing,

I'd probably...well never mind.

Stop Your Belly Achin

People seem to love to complain. People who have jobs complain about them, people who don't have jobs complain about not having them. People who are single want mates and those who have mates want to be single. Its the same with money, kids, houses, cars and almost everything in between. The state of one's health is a big thing to complain about.

I try not complain, but I'm sure I do. Sometimes you just have to.

There's a fine line between complaining, whining and just stating the facts. If someone asks "How do you feel?" and you tell them your head hurts that's just a fact. If you go on to say "my heads been hurting since yesterday, I can't get anything done, I wanted to bake a cake but the flower will just go up my nose and make it worse, so I can't, it stinks when I have a headache" that's complaining. If at any point in any of those conversations you say something like "why does this always happen to me?" then your whining.

Maybe people think that if they stopped complaining they would have nothing worthwhile to say.

Now that would be something to complain about.

I Heart Pizza

Man do I love pizza. I think I could eat it every day. Deep dish, flat bread, tomato pie, white pie, plain or deluxe, put it in front of me and I can't say no. I eat it cold for breakfast or so hot it burns the roof of my mouth. Eat in, take out, delivery, frozen, name brand or store substitute, gimme pizza.
Slap some sauce and mozzarella on a English muffin or a bagel and throw it in the toaster oven to put a smile on my face.
Give me Ellios or give me death.

Let me eat pizza.

Juror #7

I just finished a three day stint as a juror in a criminal case. My first time ever chosen and I loved it. My mother used to watch Perry Mason even in reruns but I was never overly fascinated by it. After hanging on every word of the OJ Simpson trial I watched court TV for a bit on a regular basis, so I guess I would fall in the average interest part of the American pie chart as far as law and trials are concerned.

I loved the process of jury selection and elimination and I loved watching potential jurors try to weasel out of it. The prosecuting attorney was young and as it turned out this was his first case. No one was as attractive as they are on TV. Well, maybe one or two people.

We deliberated for a very brief time. As soon as the door closed people started yapping, I realized what I was listening to sounded as if everyone was on the same side, so I suggested to the foreman that we take a count. We all found reasonable doubt and made a decision of not guilty.


Juror #7: Uhh... I don't uh... think he's guilty! (played by Jack Warden from 12 Angry Men)


As we walked out of the deliberation room, down the hallway towards the elevator I envisioned the credits scrolling behind me.

It's the hard-knock life

You can become an orphan at any age. I became one at the age of 49. It doesn't matter how old you are it's still a hollow feeling. Initially, I thought it was a freeing experience. I had no one left to answer to, no one needing me to call, or giving me a hard time when I didn't. No flowers or cards to remember.

It feels different now. I thought I asked all the questions but I forgot a few and now there are no answers. No one exists who knew me when, before I became whoever it is that I am now. I don't know that I ever thought about the fact that it wasn't just me before but now it really is just me.

Just me.