Funny Love, Wham Bam Bam

Why do I still search for it?

I know love is different for everyone, I know it ebbs and flows, I know it changes.
After all this time, I still don't think I know what I want.

I must have been in my early thirties when a female photographer and I had gotten pretty close. We had to do a 28 page catalog together so we had been spending lots of time together. She told me a story that made my mouth drop. She found out her husband of over 10 years was leading a double life. He was married to another women in another state and had children with her. I don't remember the details, I just remember that she was shattered. I had a hard time wrapping my head around what she told me.

My mother always said "You never know what goes on behind closed doors"

My Aunt knew her husband was having an affair for many years, she still loved him and took care of him. Each Thursday night for I don't know how many years he worked late. She was just content with the fact that he came home. She died first. Which worked out really well for him.

Is this what I want?

I know too many couples to count who have not been intimate for years. Observers think they are happy.
They are comfortable and neither wants to pull up roots and give up a lifestyle they have become accustom to. They have no passion, some are mean spirited toward each other.

I don't want that.

I'm guessing I won't know what I want until it bites me in the...