Death in the Title

In the book of life people die everyday. The young and the old, the sick and the healthy, the rich and the poor. We all live to die. I have fantasized that if I was ever given a specific "sentence" I would use my credit cards to travel and buy stuff for people, but would I? I think I would sit around and watch sad movies and not answer my phone.

Death effects the survivors, not the dead, that is why it is so tragic when a young person dies. We loose the privilege of seeing who they would have become. Parents are childless, children become orphaned and we question over and over again why.

The chapters of my life have been filled with death since I was a child and I have come to accept it. I can't remember the last time I cried when someone died, but I can still see my Grandmother throwing herself onto the grave of my Father.

I think people who outwardly show the most suffering are the ones who inwardly feel the most guilt. I'm not judging, nor am I saying to be so demonstrative as my Grandmother was, equals guilt. I just think that those who are able to express love to the living seem less likely to grieve so dramatically when they're gone. It seems they need to prove their love to themselves and anyone who will pay attention. It makes me sad.

I will be cremated, I want no service. I want to leave quietly while people are just going about with living. If you want to say something to me, say it now. Waiting helps no one.

We'll both regret it but I'll be dead, so you'll be the bigger loser.