Strings

 

In High School some of the kids wouldn't let you into their own private little groups. Apparently I didn't have whatever it took. Even then I knew I shouldn't have to "jump through hoops" to feel that I belonged.
Even then I knew something wasn't right with this hierarchy.

My young daughter has learned not to base her opinions on what others say. I have taught her that you need to get to know the person regardless of what you may hear. You need to judge for yourself who is a good fit for you and who is not. Sometimes you need to try harder and sometimes it comes naturally. Often if you put effort into it you will find we all have a commonality. If the other person doesn't want to try you also have to accept that and move on. Maybe down the road you will meet again and things will be different, maybe not.

I dated someone for a few years who was attached at the hip to his friends. They had been a unit for easily 30 years. I did not "fit in" with these friends. They talked about the old days, the neighborhood, or friends they had in common. Nothing ever went beyond chit chat, and it became obvious they had no need or desire to know me. 

I remember a story this man told me about a high school "friend" he had. A lonely boy who sought only to be accepted to into his group. What he said of the outsider was: "he tried so hard, but we would never let him in". His mannerism when he told the story as an adult still rang with cruelty.

It was then that I realized, they would never let me in.
I also realized that was perfectly okay.
Who would ever want to be "attached" to a group that don't "let" people in?