Pages

Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts

Monday, May 30, 2011

Don't Look Now.















It may be time to face the cold reality, that I know squat. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I feel. I don't know where I've been and I don't know where I'm going. To steal another line from the movie Moonstruck
"my life is going down the toilet."

I never wanted much and I ask for nothing. This is just who I am. Anytime I get close to something I sabotage myself. It's not fun, but I can't seem to help it. I blame it on my parents. It's easier to do that than to own up to my responsibility. But I think it's time to stop that.

I've made some not so great choices, whether they were made out of fear, stupidity, or lack of confidence. Maybe even out of what I thought was love. I made them. I will probably continue to make them, poor choices, that is. I am pretty sure it is fear that paralyzes me. I am afraid of feelings, because people die and leave. I am afraid to ask for what I want because I feel I am not worthy. I am afraid of success and I am afraid of failure.

Don't look now but life is passing me by.