Everythings Coming up Roses

I had a rose bush against the adjoining fence, the rose bush naturally grew in and out of the fence taller and taller, blooming year after year. The beautiful sweet scent caught you as you walked past. Weeds grew to the size of trees behind the fence and I could no longer keep up with the dense growth. 

Two weeks ago my neighbor had everything removed professionally, my rose bush became a stump.

Today I already saw at least ten, two inch healthy sprouts shooting out from the flat, seeming lifeless stumps that remained. 

I thought, I am that bush.

I am a rose!

Bull

I am so tired of bull shit. So much time is wasted on lies. I'm not talking about saying things like "What a cute picture" or "You're new hair cut looks great". I'm talking about the lies that waste precious moments of life that you can't get back. The lies that lead to sleepless nights and hours of playback in someone's mind.

Nearly a decade of my life has gone by filled with lies created by people in my small circle. Like a stone thrown in a lake they ripple, the circle of water growing until almost the entire body of water has been effected. My head aches as I ponder the point of it all.

Somewhere in our minds we know we are being lied to, we see the signs, hear the guarded words and yet the painful truth is unbearable to accept. Choosing to see and hear what we want is easier than searching for the reality.

But wouldn't it be easier if the search wasn't necessary?
Wouldn't life be simpler for all of us if we just told the truth?
Honestly?

Strings

 

In High School some of the kids wouldn't let you into their own private little groups. Apparently I didn't have whatever it took. Even then I knew I shouldn't have to "jump through hoops" to feel that I belonged.
Even then I knew something wasn't right with this hierarchy.

My young daughter has learned not to base her opinions on what others say. I have taught her that you need to get to know the person regardless of what you may hear. You need to judge for yourself who is a good fit for you and who is not. Sometimes you need to try harder and sometimes it comes naturally. Often if you put effort into it you will find we all have a commonality. If the other person doesn't want to try you also have to accept that and move on. Maybe down the road you will meet again and things will be different, maybe not.

I dated someone for a few years who was attached at the hip to his friends. They had been a unit for easily 30 years. I did not "fit in" with these friends. They talked about the old days, the neighborhood, or friends they had in common. Nothing ever went beyond chit chat, and it became obvious they had no need or desire to know me. 

I remember a story this man told me about a high school "friend" he had. A lonely boy who sought only to be accepted to into his group. What he said of the outsider was: "he tried so hard, but we would never let him in". His mannerism when he told the story as an adult still rang with cruelty.

It was then that I realized, they would never let me in.
I also realized that was perfectly okay.
Who would ever want to be "attached" to a group that don't "let" people in?